ADHD: My biggest failure

I started my journey in neurodivergence in 2010 when I started my MA in Special Education at the University of the Philippines. My main motivation was direction given that the direction of my life had taken a different turn at the time (but that’s another story).

At first, my MA felt different. Unlike my Bachelor’s degree, it felt like every subject was interesting to me. As an adult with ADHD, this should have been easy. Within two years, I was already done with my formal course work of 42 units, on the job training and had started with my MA paper. Writing the first three chapters was likewise also quite fast – and I prided myself on accomplishing this feat.

Little did I know this would be the beginning of the biggest failure of my life.

The signs were all there. I was overcommitting to multiple things from coach training, to familiarizing with CBT, to reading intervention and working with several schools. I was on the board of trustees of the ADHD Society of the Philippines. I was making money through Upwork doing the statistics and writing for other people’s academic papers. I had gained over 70 pounds, frequently working while I was sick, active 7 days a week. I felt like ADHD medication wasn’t working as it used to but denied any need to sharpen the saw. Frequently, I was thinking I could push myself “just a little bit more.”

If I had understood the deeper message of coaching, working on my who (my priorities, values, facing fears) rather than the what (my options, optimization, looking for a “magic pill or supplement”), all this could have been avoided. I was a hypocrite: I advocated for coaching and other forms of intervention when I myself needed it but didn’t avail it.

So what happened? Well, I kept putting off doing my paper until I couldn’t. Then, I found out that due to a residency rule I misunderstood, I wasn’t even qualified to re-enroll anymore.

It shocked me. But really it shouldn’t have. Had I had the humility to get an ADHD coach at that time, I would have learned any or all of the following:

• I was trying to do everything because if I didn’t, I felt like a failure. I would have learned that this wasn’t true – and that I needed to work out my priorities. Drop Upwork or something else to truly have the energy for my MA paper.
• I wasn’t delegating anything because it felt like a waste. Again, asking for support is needed by everyone – success lives in an interdependent reality, not a hyperindependent one.
• I was trying to be everything for the people I’m helping – from being a teacher, mentor, reading interventionist and coach. The truth is, I was only destined to really focus on just one of those (can you guess which one?)

Today, every time I have a client who finishes their senior or MA paper or even a dissertation it is a momentous occasion. Surprisingly, very few of them needed skills equipping if they even needed it – take this testimony from my client who was then a 23 year old college student:

“ADHD Coaching with Coach John enabled me to be the student I struggled to be in the past year. For several months, I couldn’t work on my thesis at all. But 1 session with Coach John got me working on my thesis non-stop for a week! He asked all the right questions and made me look deep within myself. For the first time in my life, I felt validated and understood as a student with ADHD.”

Each time this happens, I feel like going back in time telling my 2012 year old self this: “Hi, you’re not going to finish your MA, but we’re going to help people finish theirs. Oh and everything will be okay – because you’re going to find God and what He has in store for us is way better. P.S. You’ll have a scaldingly attractive wife you’re going to be thankful for everyday.”

Yes, I honestly wouldn’t change a thing. If I didn’t fail, I’d be in the academe with coaching as a side hustle. Without my MA, I was forced to lean into coaching full time – and I haven’t looked back since. From coaching people all over the world and being on the team of the most professional, enthusiastic team of ICF-accredited ADHD life coach trainers in the world – the iACTcenter as perhaps the sole homegrown Asian in such a faculty – yup not trading that for anything.

Nevertheless, with ADHD life coaching and well-trained people existing like it does in 2026, I don’t see any reason for anyone with ADHD to have to fail in their MA today. A bible verse that resonates with me in this regard was written by Paul about a mysterious thorn in his side:

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 7-11, ESV

To many Christians with ADHD, this oddly sounds like impostor syndrome. To me, there are two types of impostor syndrome: one that stops me from doing stuff, and one that grounds me in order to do stuff. I’m happy to report I have more of the latter than the former now. Paul understood who he was and the greatness of God in his life – but also recognized that in the grand scheme of things, that he was just like everyone else – a man saved by God’s grace.

When we have that reframed perspective, it’s hard to imagine failure as anything but something in God’s plan – meant to teach us. Nevertheless, what we stand to gain when we learn the lessons are more than well worth it!

This article is not AI assisted or AI generated in any way – I love writing too much to do that

Originally posted on neurodevcoach.com